I was that child that could never wait until Christmas to open her presents. I'd go sneaking around looking in closets for my gifts. So what does that mean?
It means I didn't wait until exactly one year to give up on the celibacy thing. I chose to go at it 2 weeks before my one year was up. I'd been talking to this guy for a couple of weeks and spent the night at his house. Of course it wasn't like "hey I'm here for the booty". We did actually go to sleep & cuddle. Woke up the next morning & had "breakfast". And much like Christmas morning when you've already opened your presents you're left disappointed & expecting more. It was like opening all your presents in 5 minutes. But what I wasn't expecting was for this guy to be a douchebag. He gave off the vibe that we were friends and that sleeping together wouldn't change anything. Boy, was I wrong. Not only did I get the wham bam thank you maam, but I got an apology because he felt bad because my one year was such a big deal. And here two weeks later I'm still left wondering how someone who seemed like a legit guy is actually a douchebag.
I mean I've dealt with these types for a very long time. Which is actually why I put myself through my self-imposed celibacy. But i wasn't looking for a relationship with this guy by any means. He wouldn't exactly fit in with my friends. But I guess I convinced myself that maybe he was different. Or perhaps he's just a good liar. All I can think is that it's such a shame because i'm actually an amazing friend. And I'm usually pretty fun to hang out with. Now although my feelings were hurt, I don't want to be angry about it. Like I said I'm used to getting this. I've actually been treated worse by far better men. My friends keep telling me "stop being nice to him" or they tell me that i'm not over it. I'm nice because I don't have room in my heart for anger and I'm sure that if he should ever run into any of my friends he might actually get spit on or punched by one of the guys. And as for not being over it. I am. I never wanted to be together with this guy, as I've mentioned he wouldn't mesh with my group. I never wanted to date him or bring him as my plus one to my MB's wedding. I suppose though if I were to think about it what I'm not over is that men still treat women this way. And in this way I mean like shit. If you're going to put forth any time into developing a friendship then stick with it after the breakfast. I mean if it were just about the "breakfast" he could've just said "hey, call me on June 25th".
So with all that being said. I still think I deserve a trophy & that guy shouldn't count. It was just like getting the pipes cleared out, right? I'm not saying that I need to be in a great romantic relationship with the next guy i'm with. But what I have learned is that I'm still no better judge of character than I was 1 year ago. Men are still fucked up. I do know that I deserve better than to be just another notch on some guys headboard and guys deserve more than just to be a notch on mine. I won't ever treat guys like I did before and I can still realize that sex does ruin everything unless you're in a meaningful relationship. I'm also not saying that I expect that the next guy I date I will marry and live happily ever after with. But I do have hope that there is someone out there for me, who respects me & deserves me. I have a lot to offer. I have a kind heart, amazing friends, an openess that is rare, i'm thoughtful & I would go out of the way just to show someone that I care.
But now that I've reached that goal. I'll have to come up with another one. Because even though I barely made, it's the closest thing to feeling like I've completed something in a very long time.
xoxo
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Saturday, June 16, 2012
And so it continues...
So as the story continues. I spent most of summer staying out of trouble. Until I ran into a past hook up. Of course I'd already had my mind made up that I was sticking to this celibacy thing.
Plan was that I knew that I was going to run into this guy. And I had to look amazing. Because frankly, this guy was a dick whom I only see once a year. So I showed up at a party knowing that I looked like hot stuff. I had to leave the party early due to plans & as I was leaving he stopped me in the road to get my phone number. He met up with me at the bar I was at and then to make a long story short I went back to his place with him. We may have kissed a bit before I told him I was going to sleep. The guy is a total ass so I believe it is my job to treat them as much. Get them all worked up just to leave them hanging. Yes I am well aware of what a teasing bitch this makes me. And I'm ok with that. I went home & haven't talked to him since. I do hope to see him again & treat him like the ass he is.
My next hook up was a physicist from Reno that I met on NYE on Fremont. Now I'm not in the habit of hooking up with random strangers. But I was up for a new story. And the thought of hanging out with this super hot nerd was kind of hot. This guy was not the nerd I expected. He was funny, had a hot body & really sweet. We only hung out for a day, but I was sticking to my guns on this celibacy. Needless to say I DID NOT sleep with him & apparently telling someone "you're not easy" does not insure a call after the other has returned home. I'm okay with this. Quite frankly, the super smart thing doesn't do it for me. I'm into trending & he was into physicist stuff. And The Big Bang Theory is apparently bullshit. But he made for a good story & some funny inside jokes. Example... I tell these guy about my favorite shot from my favorite bar is called Blue Balls. When they ask what's in them I say something about blueberry vodka. Physicists says "oh I thought they were shots that never come". Freaking hilarious. And who doesn't love a sense of humor. I suppose this group of guys only see each other once a year in Vegas for NYE, but I don't suppose I'll ever hear from him. Ok by me.
So it's now been over 11 months and what did I learn? I'll tell you when I figure it out..
Plan was that I knew that I was going to run into this guy. And I had to look amazing. Because frankly, this guy was a dick whom I only see once a year. So I showed up at a party knowing that I looked like hot stuff. I had to leave the party early due to plans & as I was leaving he stopped me in the road to get my phone number. He met up with me at the bar I was at and then to make a long story short I went back to his place with him. We may have kissed a bit before I told him I was going to sleep. The guy is a total ass so I believe it is my job to treat them as much. Get them all worked up just to leave them hanging. Yes I am well aware of what a teasing bitch this makes me. And I'm ok with that. I went home & haven't talked to him since. I do hope to see him again & treat him like the ass he is.
My next hook up was a physicist from Reno that I met on NYE on Fremont. Now I'm not in the habit of hooking up with random strangers. But I was up for a new story. And the thought of hanging out with this super hot nerd was kind of hot. This guy was not the nerd I expected. He was funny, had a hot body & really sweet. We only hung out for a day, but I was sticking to my guns on this celibacy. Needless to say I DID NOT sleep with him & apparently telling someone "you're not easy" does not insure a call after the other has returned home. I'm okay with this. Quite frankly, the super smart thing doesn't do it for me. I'm into trending & he was into physicist stuff. And The Big Bang Theory is apparently bullshit. But he made for a good story & some funny inside jokes. Example... I tell these guy about my favorite shot from my favorite bar is called Blue Balls. When they ask what's in them I say something about blueberry vodka. Physicists says "oh I thought they were shots that never come". Freaking hilarious. And who doesn't love a sense of humor. I suppose this group of guys only see each other once a year in Vegas for NYE, but I don't suppose I'll ever hear from him. Ok by me.
So it's now been over 11 months and what did I learn? I'll tell you when I figure it out..
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
A Little Late
So I should've started this approximately 11 months ago and posted periodically. But let's face it I don't come up with genius at the start anyway. So this first post will be about how I came up with idea or goal as it stands right now.
So I guess to start with I should state that I have been celibate for the last 11 months and have decided that I would remain so for one year. Yes that means no sex. None and I mean NONE! So you may ask yourself why would a perfectly healthy, happy 31 year old undergo such torture?
The last time I had sex was with someone who was not important and treated me the same. Not important. And as crass as it sounds he was someone that I hooked up regularly. So afterwards I thought "well that sucked". I suppose you can only have so much meaningless sex before you realize that maybe there's a reason virginity is such a big deal.
So my mission started out as I'm never hooking up with him again! And I didn't, even after he text me twice a week for a month. Eventually I just stopped responding. So after I realized what the last two years had been like I realized that there was a lot of nothing special going on.
At first this was just going to last until I found someone that I wanted to be together with so that sex would be special again. But there's slim pickings in this city when it comes to finding anyone worth a damn. Yes I realize that's fucked and someone could say the same about me, but they're not writing this, I am. So needless to say it was a long summer. One that was very uneventful, which was fine by me. I think I was still reveling in the productive 2 years I'd had.
Now don't go judging me. I wasn't super whore or anything. I recycled. I just really don't think I cared about any of them. I went through my moments where I wondered why I wasn't girlfriend material for any of them, but knew I'd never actually date any of these guys. I hardly wanted to wake up the next morning next to these guys let alone have them hang out with me & my friends.
So that's how it all started. Wanting something more. Please realize I'm a genuine person with genuine feelings. I'm not some crazy sex deprived nympho. I'm just misunderstood. I'll pick back up tomorrow. xoxo
So I guess to start with I should state that I have been celibate for the last 11 months and have decided that I would remain so for one year. Yes that means no sex. None and I mean NONE! So you may ask yourself why would a perfectly healthy, happy 31 year old undergo such torture?
The last time I had sex was with someone who was not important and treated me the same. Not important. And as crass as it sounds he was someone that I hooked up regularly. So afterwards I thought "well that sucked". I suppose you can only have so much meaningless sex before you realize that maybe there's a reason virginity is such a big deal.
So my mission started out as I'm never hooking up with him again! And I didn't, even after he text me twice a week for a month. Eventually I just stopped responding. So after I realized what the last two years had been like I realized that there was a lot of nothing special going on.
At first this was just going to last until I found someone that I wanted to be together with so that sex would be special again. But there's slim pickings in this city when it comes to finding anyone worth a damn. Yes I realize that's fucked and someone could say the same about me, but they're not writing this, I am. So needless to say it was a long summer. One that was very uneventful, which was fine by me. I think I was still reveling in the productive 2 years I'd had.
Now don't go judging me. I wasn't super whore or anything. I recycled. I just really don't think I cared about any of them. I went through my moments where I wondered why I wasn't girlfriend material for any of them, but knew I'd never actually date any of these guys. I hardly wanted to wake up the next morning next to these guys let alone have them hang out with me & my friends.
So that's how it all started. Wanting something more. Please realize I'm a genuine person with genuine feelings. I'm not some crazy sex deprived nympho. I'm just misunderstood. I'll pick back up tomorrow. xoxo
Monday, December 12, 2011
My babbling at it's finest
Sometimes I never even know what to say or write. I've got a bazillion thoughts going through this brain of mine. So I guess I'll just throw them out there.
Don't tell me that you love me & that I should've married you. If I've know you since I was 14 years old chances are that I think of you as a brother. If all I do is nod & blush it's because I'm embarrassed. Don't wait until I'm 31 years old to spring on some bullshit like that. And don't tell your girlfriend that's what you think of me. It automatically gives her just cause to not like me. Another thing don't tell me this bullshit & not do anything about it other than text me occasionally because you want to get me naked. If you think that confessing some teenage love for me is an instant panty dropper your dead wrong. I don't know what kind of friend you think of me as. I swear some men just don't know where to draw the line. If you love me then you need come at me with some respect.
I'm feeling a little bit like a failure. At this point in my life I'm 31 years old & have just moved back in with my mother. I have a failed marriage under my belt, I don't own anything, I have nothing in savings & I've moved 4 times in the last 2 years since I left my ex husband. Oh yeah & I'm single. The only thing I've had comparable to a relationship in the last 2 years is dating a guy for approximately 2 months who never got the balls to ask me to be his girlfriend before I lost interest. I mean I'm glad that we never ended up BF/GF since the chemistry lacked greatly. I mean he seemed devastated when I told him that it was over, but how could he think that I was ok with the wish washy am I, am I not his girlfriend. And since I wasn't, well then I moved on.
So now... what the fuck is up with my guy friend saying crazy shit to me. Now I've known this guy for a very long time & wouldn't have said he's a friendly friend until recently. And by crazy I mean he says that I'm beautiful, gorgeous & he loves my laugh. Like really who the fuck says that?? My ex husband never even told me I was beautiful. That's right not once. He might have called me pretty a handful of times. But ya so friend saying crazy shit. It's crazy to me because we're friends right? I suppose I should just say it's drunk talk since he's drunk when he says it all. Now don't get me wrong I feel like I'm catching this insane chemistry thing & trust me I've been doing everything I can to get past it. But it's hard, we get along, we have fun every time we're together, he remembers things that I actually say & oh yeah he's hot. But I've never thought of him as more than a friend, could be because we never really hung out. But now I'm getting these crazy ass feelings from out of nowhere & it's making me lose sleep. He's got a lot going on with him so I just listen to him. I can handle my feelings & give him logical advice since I'm always a friends first kind of girl. But fuck fuck fuck! There's more, but really what's the point. I'm sure I'm just one of those reads too much into shit kind of girls.
I'm finding it hard to focus right now too. I'm back in school but can't decide if I want to do photography or pastry. I love them both equally. So what am I going to do? Both of course. I swear I'm going to be in school until I'm 50, which isn't in the too future. Gosh I'm getting old. Even though I feel young let's face it we don't grow young.
The only thing that I really feel like is getting me through the hot mess I am right now is music. It's giving me every emotion. A song can make me happy, it can bring me to tears, it can put into words exactly what I'm feeling.
Guess I've babbled for long enough. Hopefully now that I've put this out into the universe I can get some sleep. xoxo
Don't tell me that you love me & that I should've married you. If I've know you since I was 14 years old chances are that I think of you as a brother. If all I do is nod & blush it's because I'm embarrassed. Don't wait until I'm 31 years old to spring on some bullshit like that. And don't tell your girlfriend that's what you think of me. It automatically gives her just cause to not like me. Another thing don't tell me this bullshit & not do anything about it other than text me occasionally because you want to get me naked. If you think that confessing some teenage love for me is an instant panty dropper your dead wrong. I don't know what kind of friend you think of me as. I swear some men just don't know where to draw the line. If you love me then you need come at me with some respect.
I'm feeling a little bit like a failure. At this point in my life I'm 31 years old & have just moved back in with my mother. I have a failed marriage under my belt, I don't own anything, I have nothing in savings & I've moved 4 times in the last 2 years since I left my ex husband. Oh yeah & I'm single. The only thing I've had comparable to a relationship in the last 2 years is dating a guy for approximately 2 months who never got the balls to ask me to be his girlfriend before I lost interest. I mean I'm glad that we never ended up BF/GF since the chemistry lacked greatly. I mean he seemed devastated when I told him that it was over, but how could he think that I was ok with the wish washy am I, am I not his girlfriend. And since I wasn't, well then I moved on.
So now... what the fuck is up with my guy friend saying crazy shit to me. Now I've known this guy for a very long time & wouldn't have said he's a friendly friend until recently. And by crazy I mean he says that I'm beautiful, gorgeous & he loves my laugh. Like really who the fuck says that?? My ex husband never even told me I was beautiful. That's right not once. He might have called me pretty a handful of times. But ya so friend saying crazy shit. It's crazy to me because we're friends right? I suppose I should just say it's drunk talk since he's drunk when he says it all. Now don't get me wrong I feel like I'm catching this insane chemistry thing & trust me I've been doing everything I can to get past it. But it's hard, we get along, we have fun every time we're together, he remembers things that I actually say & oh yeah he's hot. But I've never thought of him as more than a friend, could be because we never really hung out. But now I'm getting these crazy ass feelings from out of nowhere & it's making me lose sleep. He's got a lot going on with him so I just listen to him. I can handle my feelings & give him logical advice since I'm always a friends first kind of girl. But fuck fuck fuck! There's more, but really what's the point. I'm sure I'm just one of those reads too much into shit kind of girls.
I'm finding it hard to focus right now too. I'm back in school but can't decide if I want to do photography or pastry. I love them both equally. So what am I going to do? Both of course. I swear I'm going to be in school until I'm 50, which isn't in the too future. Gosh I'm getting old. Even though I feel young let's face it we don't grow young.
The only thing that I really feel like is getting me through the hot mess I am right now is music. It's giving me every emotion. A song can make me happy, it can bring me to tears, it can put into words exactly what I'm feeling.
Guess I've babbled for long enough. Hopefully now that I've put this out into the universe I can get some sleep. xoxo
Saturday, April 30, 2011
As a reminder
With all the drama that's taken place the last couple of weeks I'm reminded of a few things about myself. One being that all the actions of people are a reminder of why I don't date. People are so hurtful & put their agenda ahead of peoples feelings. Men & women these days just don't care how their actions affect other people. Then they make up excuses for why they did what they did. I don't date for the simple reason that I bear the burden of falling in love. Every time I've loved someone it always ends. I see the pain that my friends have experienced all in the name of love & I'm the one that has spoken up to those that have hurt them. Because it's not ok for people to treat others with such disregard of their feelings. It's not ok for someone to make a place in the lives of someone I care for & love, then trample over their hearts. And it hurts me because there's really nothing I can do about. I can scream profanities & tell them that they'll find better. But who knows when that will come around. And when it happens time after time they lose faith.
I've always taken care to try not to fall in love. Because every guy that has had a part of my heart has mistreated it in some way. Not to say that I haven't done the same. Every guy that I've had a serious relationship with has had to bear the burden of every mistake I've made or the mistakes of others. Let's face it, I'm not an easy person to be with. I'm stubborn, passionate, selfish, emotional, moody & I like to be in my own thoughts 80% of the time.
But I sit here in the last 15 years in my life & I've watched as guy after guy has come in & walk out of the lives of the girls I hold near to my heart. And that's not to say that I haven't watched girl after girl walk in & walk out of the lives of the guys I hold near to my heart. But guys recover faster than girls. They don't hold every hurt like we do. It's not like when a guy leaves he's a take piece of her with him. I mean there's part of my love all over the world at the moment. I'm a hard ass for a reason. Because I think that if there's anymore of me given away I might just disappear. Poof gone, no more Michele.
That's the other problem though. I love to love. Being in love & falling in love make me happy. Who isn't happy when they're in love though right? I get that all glowy feeling from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep. I love the butterflies. But I always catch myself because I'm always scared. I've honestly lost faith in love. In loving someone & being loved in return.
As a second reminder... All of this drama reminds me of why I've always been wishy washy about having children. I mean don't get me wrong. I've always wanted kids, but maybe it's more of a reminder of why I've always been scared to have them. I could never look in the eyes of a daughter after her first heartbreak. I think I'd die inside. I'd always want a daughter who could love with no boundaries & never have fear of being taken for granted. And I could never raise a son knowing that he might be the one to serve some unknowing girl her first heartbreak. I've also seen how children treat each other & quite frankly I couldn't handle my kid getting pushed around or teased. I've seen the way that men & women treat each other with such disregard & blame it on love. No matter who the love is for. It's just sad. It breaks my heart. It causes me to cry tears that I'll never show & to weep in silence. Because let's face it watching somebody cry, sob or mourn makes us all feel uncomfortable.
Now... I'm not saying I'm perfect or that I've never done any of these things. I'll be the first to admit I'm not perfect. I've broken hearts & I've trampled over people like they're nothing. I've put my own agendas over others & I've said things that aren't sweet & rosy. But I'm a hypocrite. I don't judge though because I have no place to. My only defense is that they're hurting MY people. And I'll never stand for that.
xoxo
I've always taken care to try not to fall in love. Because every guy that has had a part of my heart has mistreated it in some way. Not to say that I haven't done the same. Every guy that I've had a serious relationship with has had to bear the burden of every mistake I've made or the mistakes of others. Let's face it, I'm not an easy person to be with. I'm stubborn, passionate, selfish, emotional, moody & I like to be in my own thoughts 80% of the time.
But I sit here in the last 15 years in my life & I've watched as guy after guy has come in & walk out of the lives of the girls I hold near to my heart. And that's not to say that I haven't watched girl after girl walk in & walk out of the lives of the guys I hold near to my heart. But guys recover faster than girls. They don't hold every hurt like we do. It's not like when a guy leaves he's a take piece of her with him. I mean there's part of my love all over the world at the moment. I'm a hard ass for a reason. Because I think that if there's anymore of me given away I might just disappear. Poof gone, no more Michele.
That's the other problem though. I love to love. Being in love & falling in love make me happy. Who isn't happy when they're in love though right? I get that all glowy feeling from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep. I love the butterflies. But I always catch myself because I'm always scared. I've honestly lost faith in love. In loving someone & being loved in return.
As a second reminder... All of this drama reminds me of why I've always been wishy washy about having children. I mean don't get me wrong. I've always wanted kids, but maybe it's more of a reminder of why I've always been scared to have them. I could never look in the eyes of a daughter after her first heartbreak. I think I'd die inside. I'd always want a daughter who could love with no boundaries & never have fear of being taken for granted. And I could never raise a son knowing that he might be the one to serve some unknowing girl her first heartbreak. I've also seen how children treat each other & quite frankly I couldn't handle my kid getting pushed around or teased. I've seen the way that men & women treat each other with such disregard & blame it on love. No matter who the love is for. It's just sad. It breaks my heart. It causes me to cry tears that I'll never show & to weep in silence. Because let's face it watching somebody cry, sob or mourn makes us all feel uncomfortable.
Now... I'm not saying I'm perfect or that I've never done any of these things. I'll be the first to admit I'm not perfect. I've broken hearts & I've trampled over people like they're nothing. I've put my own agendas over others & I've said things that aren't sweet & rosy. But I'm a hypocrite. I don't judge though because I have no place to. My only defense is that they're hurting MY people. And I'll never stand for that.
xoxo
Sunday, April 24, 2011
This isn't me...
I'm so angry about so many things these days & it upsets me that I feel this way. I don't like being mean. I don't like people who play like they're the victim when they're the ones who have hurt & lied to others. I don't want to be angry about those people who take advantage of the kindness that I've shown them.
But I am angry about it. How can someone just lie over & over again and make everyone think that I'm the bitch in the situation? I didn't just decide overnight that this person doesn't deserve to be treated with respect. She lied to me, she lied to my best friend, she's cheated continuously on her boyfriend & I see her taking advantage of someone that I care for very much. But she's making it seem as though I'm the one being childish. Like I'm the who has no reason to be upset. And like she's the victim in all of this. After we invited her into our home & into our lives. Showed her kindness like we would any other person we care about. Only for her to shit all over friendship, prove she's a liar & a manipulator. Told me that I should dump the guy I was seeing because according to her, he treated me like shit. Then to turn around & be all buddy buddy with him & tell him that he's amazing. Yeah I knew he was amazing too, but after HER convincing I started to think differently.
Like I said I don't want to be angry about this. That's not who I am anymore. I want to live my life surrounded by love, friendship that outlasts time & space, and genuine people. My heart is not happy by what I'm feeling inside. I'm hurt. I feel used. And I feel like it isn't fair that nobody sees this person for what she is.
I only pray that I can be a better person. I know in my heart that I'm better than this. That there is a greater person that I can be. My friends & family are dear to my heart & anyone who knows me that all have an open invitation to be part of that.
But I am angry about it. How can someone just lie over & over again and make everyone think that I'm the bitch in the situation? I didn't just decide overnight that this person doesn't deserve to be treated with respect. She lied to me, she lied to my best friend, she's cheated continuously on her boyfriend & I see her taking advantage of someone that I care for very much. But she's making it seem as though I'm the one being childish. Like I'm the who has no reason to be upset. And like she's the victim in all of this. After we invited her into our home & into our lives. Showed her kindness like we would any other person we care about. Only for her to shit all over friendship, prove she's a liar & a manipulator. Told me that I should dump the guy I was seeing because according to her, he treated me like shit. Then to turn around & be all buddy buddy with him & tell him that he's amazing. Yeah I knew he was amazing too, but after HER convincing I started to think differently.
Like I said I don't want to be angry about this. That's not who I am anymore. I want to live my life surrounded by love, friendship that outlasts time & space, and genuine people. My heart is not happy by what I'm feeling inside. I'm hurt. I feel used. And I feel like it isn't fair that nobody sees this person for what she is.
I only pray that I can be a better person. I know in my heart that I'm better than this. That there is a greater person that I can be. My friends & family are dear to my heart & anyone who knows me that all have an open invitation to be part of that.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
2010
So I'm like 15 days late on this, but damn I'm a busy girl ya know... But here's the gist...
THIS IS WHAT I'VE LEARNED IN 2010...
1. Friends with benefits never works. Quite frankly what happens to the friendship when the benefits run out. Guys can never get past the fact that they've seen you naked. I sit here and wonder why can't guys still be your best friend even though they've done the hibbity dibbity with you? Just because you call & wonder if they're ok, they think that it's an invitation to come over & rock your world. They also think that they can just call you anytime just because they want you to rock THEIR world. Boys do not know how to separate the two. So basically the friendship disappears & you've ruined yet another friendship. Might as well have dated & broke each others hearts.
2. There is no such thing as a NO STRINGS ATTACHED relationship. Eventually it creates feelings. You wonder why this guy doesn't want to know more about you. I figure I'm intelligent. There must be some sort of attraction otherwise you wouldn't be calling (texting) each other every weekend. But then some creepy little troll enters your thoughts & you wonder "WHY NOT MORE". And you create this effed up thinking that maybe if you try to get more out of him (like his last night name or you call each other when you're actually sober, that maybe something more will happen). This does not happen. I thought that I could be the NO STRINGS ATTACHED kind of girl, but my insecurities always get the best of me.
3. What happens in the sheets is very important. You can have a great relationship but if there's no chemistry in between the sheets, quite frankly it's going to effect every part of the relationship. Enough said.
4. I was a great wife. I make a great girlfriend. But if you stick me somewhere in the middle, you're bound to get walked all over.
5. Friendships can pick right back up when you've been without each other for 7+ years & you realize what's been missing from your life. ( That's YOU Layla)
6. I don't have a NUMBER 1 best friend. Is there really a reason to put your friends in numerical order? It's like there's a race to who is a better person because they give you what you need. All my besties are my besties for a reason. And yes they all serve a different purpose. Just as I'm sure i serve a purpose in their lives. Would I do everything within me to help them, listen to them & love them. YES I WOULD. And would they do the same for me? I would bet my life on it.
7. I have a huge capacity to love. I think I love everyone first then hate them later. And even then I don't hate them. I just love them too much & they don't return the favor.
8. You can have the most amazing 4 days with someone and it never means as much to them as it does to you. The chemistry is there in every way, but sometimes you're just not the ONE. (There will always be a special place in my heart for this person & I'll always wonder why I wasn't the ONE)
9. I truly love my life. I was miserable for a very long time. I have the most amazing people in my life from my parents to my friends to my sister from a different mister (Cinnamon). They brighten my days & they inspire me to be a better person to make them proud.
10. I have a lot of goals. And even though I'm 30; I intend to reach each & every one of them.
SO NOW... IF NONE OF THIS MADE SENSE PLEASE REALIZE I'M A BIT INTOXICATED.
xoxo
Michele
THIS IS WHAT I'VE LEARNED IN 2010...
1. Friends with benefits never works. Quite frankly what happens to the friendship when the benefits run out. Guys can never get past the fact that they've seen you naked. I sit here and wonder why can't guys still be your best friend even though they've done the hibbity dibbity with you? Just because you call & wonder if they're ok, they think that it's an invitation to come over & rock your world. They also think that they can just call you anytime just because they want you to rock THEIR world. Boys do not know how to separate the two. So basically the friendship disappears & you've ruined yet another friendship. Might as well have dated & broke each others hearts.
2. There is no such thing as a NO STRINGS ATTACHED relationship. Eventually it creates feelings. You wonder why this guy doesn't want to know more about you. I figure I'm intelligent. There must be some sort of attraction otherwise you wouldn't be calling (texting) each other every weekend. But then some creepy little troll enters your thoughts & you wonder "WHY NOT MORE". And you create this effed up thinking that maybe if you try to get more out of him (like his last night name or you call each other when you're actually sober, that maybe something more will happen). This does not happen. I thought that I could be the NO STRINGS ATTACHED kind of girl, but my insecurities always get the best of me.
3. What happens in the sheets is very important. You can have a great relationship but if there's no chemistry in between the sheets, quite frankly it's going to effect every part of the relationship. Enough said.
4. I was a great wife. I make a great girlfriend. But if you stick me somewhere in the middle, you're bound to get walked all over.
5. Friendships can pick right back up when you've been without each other for 7+ years & you realize what's been missing from your life. ( That's YOU Layla)
6. I don't have a NUMBER 1 best friend. Is there really a reason to put your friends in numerical order? It's like there's a race to who is a better person because they give you what you need. All my besties are my besties for a reason. And yes they all serve a different purpose. Just as I'm sure i serve a purpose in their lives. Would I do everything within me to help them, listen to them & love them. YES I WOULD. And would they do the same for me? I would bet my life on it.
7. I have a huge capacity to love. I think I love everyone first then hate them later. And even then I don't hate them. I just love them too much & they don't return the favor.
8. You can have the most amazing 4 days with someone and it never means as much to them as it does to you. The chemistry is there in every way, but sometimes you're just not the ONE. (There will always be a special place in my heart for this person & I'll always wonder why I wasn't the ONE)
9. I truly love my life. I was miserable for a very long time. I have the most amazing people in my life from my parents to my friends to my sister from a different mister (Cinnamon). They brighten my days & they inspire me to be a better person to make them proud.
10. I have a lot of goals. And even though I'm 30; I intend to reach each & every one of them.
SO NOW... IF NONE OF THIS MADE SENSE PLEASE REALIZE I'M A BIT INTOXICATED.
xoxo
Michele
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