There are rules...

Being a single woman now I find that there are rules that apply. First let me say that it's expensive being single. And since I used to be married I figure I am a capable of explaining the difference in what you spend. One. The amount of money spent in hair removal. I know that this may seem like a funny subject, but it's one that deserves some attention. Let me start off by saying that I am a woman who waxes. Everything. So the times that there is ever a razor in my shower is for touch ups in between the time that I don't have the time to go see my favorite waxer. And that shit ain't cheap. So for the women who actually shave they probably go through a good portion of money in razors and shaving cream. Not to mention the amount of time and attention paid to shaving. So as a married woman you can pretty much decide when you're going to shave. Like when you feel like wearing a tank top, or shorts and most importantly you know when you're going to "put out". There usually aren't any surprises about who is going to show up at your doorstep. Now as a single woman. You have to constantly be on the top of your game. Single woman usually go out with no ideas about what's going to happen that night. So you have to make sure that any surface of your body is in the right condition to be exposed.

Now the hair that is on our head. As a married woman I feel that I really had no reason to keep up with my highlights every 4 weeks or do my hair everyday that we went out in public. Being that I was already married & since my hair was kinda my thing for awhile I didn't feel the need to grab some random guys attention. I know some of you are thinking, really hair? You're hair was your thing? Most of you know I have naturally curly hair & I've always been a risk taker with my hair & I keep it healthy. So yes my hair is my thing. Don't ask any questions. Besides hair is one of those things that does grab guys attention. I'm sure that it has something to do with guys imagine pulling it or running their fingers through it. So anyway as a single woman, you have to make sure your hair is always in the right place. You really can't go out without doing it. For me that means either a shit ton of hair spray or an hour spent running a flat iron through it. If you have any sort of color put into your hair that means getting your roots done every 4-6 weeks. And that's at least 80-100 bucks a time. I used to get my hair colored but now I just don't have the time. I'm not the type who likes to make appointments. I just want to go in & get it done.

There's clothes, shoes, accessories, lip gloss, gym memberships, alcohol, nails & pedicures, cute little somethings & plastic surgery(lol).

So with ALL that being said the first rule is: Free food is free food. Now whether this is food coming from dinner with your parents, relatives or on a date. Oh we can feed ourselves no doubt, but all women like to be seen, so going out as oppose to staying in is a lot more ego boosting. So if we agree to go out on a dinner date with you don't always assume it's because we're into you. It could be because we're just tired of cooking for ourselves. Now if we go more than once it's probably because we do enjoy your company & its free food. Now I really don't mean to sound like a bitch by all this, but it's the truth. And it doesn't even go for single women or single people in general. Ask anyone to breakfast, lunch or dinner and tell them you'll pay & you can bet that they'll likely say yes. It's the FREE FOOD rule. We single women though will drop any plans or prior engagements to jump on the free food bandwagon.

I wish I could go into greater detail about this whole free food thing, but it's pretty cut & dry. Women as a gender are pretty damn expensive. And it's 75% looking good for guys, 15% looking good just to make ourselves feel good about ourselves and it's 10% looking good to make other girls jealous as hell. We all relish in the fact especially that when we run into a girl we disliked in the past & looking damn better than she does now.

More rules to come. It doesn't stop there.
xoxo

Is it the chase or the butterflies I'm looking for?

Like I've said before, I just can't get this dating thing right. I can't decide what I like more "The Chase" or The Butterflies".

The chase is always fun because you feel like you've reached a goal once you've acquired the person that you're after. In the chase scenario you play both the chaser & the chasee. You play like you're aloof and you don't care. But you also give just enough of yourself to keep them coming back for more. Although the other person does the exact same thing. This at times is troubling. Sometimes you play too aloof and the other person gives up. But if you give too much of yourself the other person knows they can have you. And then the guy acts too aloof and you think he's a dick. It's really a never ending game. And I'm not too big on games. But I do like the chase. Really it makes no damn sense.

Then there's the butterflies... awww... cue the birds singing and running through a meadow of sunflowers. The butterflies and sunflowers are definitely like spring in some small mid America city. I can't use Las Vegas as a city because the only thing that grows around here are tumbleweeds and cacti and as clumsy as I am I have no business running through a desert unless a very large squirrel is running after me. Because if it were a large mountain lion I'd first wonder if I'm really drunk and then I'd just stand there and sob. DANG! Sorry had a Michele moment and digressed.

Ok so yeah butterflies. I've always particularly liked the look of the monarch butterfly. PREEETTY. So butterflies>spring> new stuff> love. Are ya'll catching my thought process here? It's all about the newness of being in a relationship or having a relationship with someone. As I've said previously it's about learning the new things about each other, getting nervous when you see each other.Sweaty palms, blah blah blah. But on some rare occasions like my wonderful grandparents the butterflies last decades. They find new things to love about each other all the time. My butterflies last about as long as the chase portion do. Once I know that I can have you all the time whenever I want the fluttering of all those butterflies just makes me feel nauseous.

This is all actually quite sad. I've been told that I actually think like a guy. And that's not a good thing since I think that most guys are assholes. The single, player ones anyway. I don't think I'll ever just be satisfied. I'll just keeping on roaming this earth chasing something I can never find. I'm probably looking for the Holy Grail of love. I think I just want someone who will let me be me, be a freebird to do whatever I please but know when it's time to reign me back in. Shit! I could go on and on about what I want. That list changes everyday.

I really can't think of much else. I'm undecided about what I really want. All I know is what I don't want. And I find out those little things every second.
xoxo

a blog that I wrote a long time ago, to be followed up by a new one

I don't want to be in love. No way no how. It makes you vulnerable. It makes you susceptible to getting hurt. And I've had enough of that to last me a lifetime.

But I miss the butterflies. You know, that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you know you're going to see someone that you like, the kind of like that makes you blush at the thought of him. The sweaty palm syndrome you get when you're just within his reach. Or when you sit & daydream about him. The way your eyes glaze over while you're daydreaming of him. How you can feel the tingle in your toes & you fidget your hands when you do see him. The smile that slowly spreads across your face when you think about him. Or the childish giggle that escapes you when you see his name light up on your phone.

I miss all of it. I haven't felt that in so long. The Genesis of a new relationship, the new beginning. The getting to know one another. Finding out things about each other that you strangely enough have in common. Or the things you totally differ on, but don't judge each other for feeling that way. The taking new adventures together. The way you feel when you finally have your first kiss. Or the first time you hold hands & you find that his are just as clammy as your own.

I don't want to ruin this with my cynicism but that's just me I guess. Things like this don't really happen for girls like me. I can't even remember the last time I felt any of these things. I can't remember the last time the butterflies flew in my direction. I feel as though I never will.

One of my favorite quotes

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens up your chest & it opens up your heart & it means that someone can get inside you & mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you & then your life isn't your own anymore. Love take hostage. It gets inside you. It eats away at you & leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should just be friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart-pain. I hate love.
~Neil Galman~