Oops

So I'm thinking I'm going at this whole dating thing in reverse. I realize that I have that problem where I think like a guy so I go for what's in the pants first then try to make some sort of relationship out of it. But let's be honest, what goes on in the sheets is extremely important & if you don't have chemistry there then there's no point in trying to start something. And I'm not the type to jump into the sack with any person I haven't at least had a decent conversation with.

But like I said that's a problem. I meet these guys & I think "I could really go for this guy. He's funny, cute, appears to have his shit together. Might as well test drive the car before I buy it" But then I remember the next morning that guys STILL to this day don't think of girls as long term if they put out. And I think it's BS. At least I can say that I don't have one night stands. We call these guys randoms or SQUIRRELS. Because ya never know when you're going to run into them again or even call them up & might as well keep it all friendly as most of us have mutual friends. How else would we have met them right.

But it's so damn frustrating. I'm a nice girl. I've got a good head on my shoulders. I have a good job & I'm pretty responsible. I'm a girl, who for the most part knows what I want. I have a crazy side for sure & I like to party like it's NYE every weekend. So why is it so damn hard to find a guy that's nice. Has a good job, if not a job PERIOD. Knows how to have a good time. Can make me laugh. Can have an intelligent conversation. And knows when to tell my drunk ass that its times to leave the bar. I'm legitimately certain that the guy I'm looking for doesn't exist.

Ok... gotta run. xoxo

Really now I'm pissed

People are just fucking idiots a lot of the time. Especially people that you try to remain friends with throughout the years. Even though you know they aren't worth a shit. But you know that even though they have flaws you'd do anything for them. But just because incidents occur & you don't want to take sides other people automatically write you off as one of "them". So to those people who would rather test the waters of your friendship than accept that sometimes there just isn't a side to be picked I say fuck you & you must not have placed any value on a 12 year friendship anyway.

My friendships have always been very important to me. And even though there was a period of time where I lapsed on those friendships they have now become the most important things that I value in my life. So I remain a neutral person when I see that two groups of people that I love very much have a disagreement.

Needless to say I'm crushed. It breaks my heart. I've had sleepless nights over things that I can't help or repair. If I see that something isn't right & I'm asked about it, then yes I'm going to point it out. But if not asked then there's no reason for me to share my opinion. Opinions are like assholes everybody got em'.

I've been on this roller coaster for the last year of my life. My ups & down have been enough to make me nauseous, but through this all I've found that there are select people who have held up the puke bucket & pulled back my hair. And these are people that I would return the favor.

I'm just frustrated. I can barely think straight. I want to scream profanities from the rooftops & throw stones at glass houses. I want to tell everyone to grow the fuck up and act like civilized adults, instead of the "well so & so doesn't like them so I'm not going to either" high school bullshit. You don't HAVE to like anyone & nobody HAS to like you, but choose for yourself why you don't like that person & don't let anybody elses opinion of that person decide for you. We should all be open minded individuals at this point in our lives. And if you can't decide for yourself then you might as well join a cult or something cause you need some being to make decisions for you.