HAHA

So I can't get this whole dating thing right. I have this super sweet nice guy that I've been dating for a little while now, but after a few weak moments on my part I find that I'm not girlfriend material. Other problem is that for weeks that's all I wanted was to be his girlfriend. But it never happened. He said he was waiting for the right moment. I wasn't aware that there had to be a right moment to ask someone to be your GF. You're asking for a steady thing, not to put a ring on it. In fact something sporadic is just my style. You know like I'm about to shove a french fry in my mouth. It's moments like that, that are more memorable. Kinda like at that moment you have a revelation & you can't let a moment pass without putting it out in the universe.

Now I can't say that I've ever experienced any of those moments. Those a moments made in movies. Wait... I'm lying. I've actually had a movie moment. Picture this... pouring rain, driving around for a picnic, pull up to picnic scene, rain stops. Get out of vehicle sit at picnic spot which happens to be a pier. My Girl playing in the background, talking, laughing, mile wide grin on face. Finish eating, pack up picnic, get in vehicle, pouring rain starts again. Now maybe if there had been some great kiss in the middle of this it would count as MTV Best Kiss Golden Popcorn worthy. But there was no kiss & that's as close as I've come to movie moment. But it's definitely something that has actually profoundly changed my thinking of men. Now of course if this guy that pulled out all this bullshit were remotely able to get his own shit together we could probably be great together. The world could be our playground. But needless to say he doesn't have his shit together & I'm not even the kind of girl he would even want. I was his playground & that's just about it. He wasn't the first guy to think of me this way & he won't be the last.

So I can't find this happy median in men. I've found the ones that are always there. You know the ones that want to know what you doing, where you're going, who are you with, what time you get out of bed & could probably be correct in guessing what time I take a shower in the morning. It's kind of irritating. Let me breath once in awhile. I'm an Aries! I need space every now & then. But then I also find the guys that for the most part ignore me & get pissed that I'm not always around when they want me to be. To them I'd like to say "I'm sorry you have your life I think it's only fair that I have mine as well & if you don't like it then don't bother calling at all." Then there are those guys who are aloof all the time. You know that text & ask "what are you up to?" When you reply with "just hanging out at home", then they reply with "yeah me too" AND THAT'S IT! Like ok, what was the point of texting, did you want to hang out out or did you just want to know what I was doing??? Next time I should say " ahh you know, just going pee". Ugh annoying...

Now I realize that in a world where some women are supposed to be demure and all that bullshit. I want to know what's wrong with women only wanting one thing. Whether it be friendship, a committed relationship, or just a "lover". Ok maybe there's nothing wrong with that except as women we're expected to keep that kind of stuff to ourselves. But I find that when we don't verbalize things like that & on a regular basis, men seem to let their imaginations get away from themselves. Like for instance... If I just want you for one thing, but I text/call more than once a week. Some guys will think that I want something more. To them I want to say "no asshole my needs just need to be met more than once a week" and you do the job to get those requirements met. I don't call an electrician to fix my plumbing.
Also if I want a committed relationship I tend to spend a lot of time with that specific person & it's because I enjoy spending my time with that person. So that should be your cue that you need to step it up & fast. I have little patience so when you see that I'm distant it's because I've gotten it in my head that you don't want the same thing so I move on. I have a hard time going backward. There is no reverse gear in this ride.
Now as for the friendship portion of this whole scenario. I become very vague as to how that's established. This is because I find it hard for guys & girls to be friends without something there. That "something" is usually love. I have a few guy friends & I love them. That's all there is there though. I spend a great amount of time developing these friendships. The love develops from a great amount of respect.  I respect the opinions of these guys, I listen to their advice & I know that they care a great deal about me. They never want to see me hurt, they've seen me cry & dried my tears. They've seen me fall apart & helped put me back together. They were there for me during the months of my divorce assuring me that what I wanted was more important then living my life just making someone else happy. For the most part they never think anyone is good enough for me, they respect me & they listen to my advice. They realize that I'm a unique individual & they know that they'll never encounter another girl like me in this world. In fact, these guy friends are past boyfriends so they've never even dated a girl like me. This world is one that two such individuals are not  good for each other & they're great for someone else, but that there's a reason why we were all brought together. Whether it's to learn from each other or it's to know that through love and respect you always get an upfront point of view from the opposite sex. Cause let's be honest we all have a hard time asking each other the questions that you don't really want the answer to. But when it comes from a friend who knows you then you know that their advice comes from the heart.

Ok so I'm done with that. I realize that this might paint a whole new picture of what anyone thinks I am. But it's the truth & unless you have this picture that I'm some kind of angel then I hate to shatter your dreams. Nonetheless, this is me.
xoxo